Fus Ro...Nah.

I'll be the dissenting voice in the crowd. I don't like Skyrim. I know this is heresy within the gamer hivemind, where general consensus is that Skyrim is the Best Game Ever (until a new "Best Game Ever" comes along, as always), but I just don't care for it.

Don't get me wrong. I wanted to like Skyrim. I tried very hard to like Skyrim, and in fact, it was fun for the first week or two after I got it, but the novelty of the game wore off shockingly fast. One can only hoard brooms and raise cows as undead minions to wreak havoc on small villages for so long before it gets old. And despite what you may think, yes, it does get old.

The scenery is lovely, yes, but it's also monotonous. Vast, open meadows, snowy mountains, the occasional ruin, castle town, or village, and that's it. Also given how far apart many places are the world feels quite empty indeed. I spent a lot of time running along or riding one of the slowest horses in all of creation in near-silence. Occasionally I had to deal with a few bandits, a wolf or two, or the random dragon and then back to nothing. The emptiness didn't create the same feel of loneliness that say...Shadow of the Colossus does. It's just boring.

Sighing and going "Am I there yet?" while progressing through a game is a bad thing, don't you think?

The NPCs are dull. I've met lobsters with more personality than just about anybody in the game. When you think of the characters as only "that guy" or "the other guy who's kind of a jerk", there's a problem. I couldn't find it in me to care about either the Imperials or Stormcloaks that much, since one's a generic military empire and the other's a generic band of rebels. They just happen to hate anyone who's not a Nord. I ended up siding with the Imperials solely because they didn't bash my character for being a cat.

The plot's also appallingly bare-bones and smacks of laziness. Destined hero kills evil dragon, saves world. End of story. Why? There's so much lore there to use! Why not bother writing a really good story with it that'll make the world more interesting?

...oh right. Because shiny graphics trump everything. Silly me.

Then there's obtaining materials for things like alchemy, blacksmithing and the like. Considering that I play World of Warcraft, I'm used to leveling crafting professions and gathering the required materials. Here's the thing though; WoW has a handy little feature that goes with the gathering professions, like "Track Herbs" or "Track Minerals". They'll appear as yellow dots on your minimap and sparkle in the field, like a big sign going "Hey! You can grab this!". There's no such thing in Skyrim. I had to learn to recognize different kinds of herbs by sight, or wander up to them and see if they were pickable if I was in an unfamiliar area.

I went through an entire dungeon once without realizing that there was mineable ore. It didn't grab my attention in any way, and it was only when I was trying to sneak around that I noticed that I could mine a chunk of iron ore. Once I'd slaughtered everything that moved, I went back and started looking for iron. The difference in the wall was ridiculously subtle, and it was no wonder I overlooked the mineable spots the first time.

One would also think that, with all the detail put into character creation, Bethesda could give you hair options  that looked like hair and not lumps of clay. I can adjust the amount of dirt on my character's face and the color thereof. I can give them scars, wrinkles, war paint, make them taller, shorter, leaner or heavier and mold their facial features however I damn well please, but hair that looks like hair? Madness!

The two biggest offenders were the twin buns and pigtails. They looked like they were designed by someone who had never actually seen either style. No, scratch that. Whoever designed them had no idea how hair even works. I ended up rolling a Khajiit not only due to my love of cats, but because their short braided hairstyles were among the few that didn't look awful.

I suppose I learned my lesson with this game. Normally I don't go for games based on the hype surrounding them alone, or for seemingly-cool mechanics like fighting dragons as a werewolf. I did this time, and I hated it.

More Lord Creepy than Prince Charming.

I really don't understand the appeal in possessive, controlling male leads in fiction. I wouldn't be swooning over a guy who pulls some of the crap they do, I'd be on the phone hysterically sobbing to the police about the stalker who's after me.

People have tried to explain this to to me by saying that women want to feel secure and protected, and thus they need this big, strong man to be at their side all the time. Okay first off, thank you for the irritating generalization. You will be receiving one face-punch in the mail. Secondly, how can anyone feel "safe" when the person who is supposed to be keeping you safe controls your life, tries to keep other people away from you, is prone to fits of jealousy, follows you wherever you go, and is a general creeper. It's like having a demanding child for a jailer.

The male wants you to associate with nobody but him. If you have other friends you want to spend time with, he throws a jealous temper tantrum, or tries to guilt you by moping that you "don't love him enough". He may remove the engine block from your car so you can't go anywhere, or watch you in your sleep. He may claim he was born to be your lover, and obsessively search for you. You may or may not still be a child when he begins this search, as I saw in one book.

This? This is not relationship material. This is the villain in a psychological thriller! There's nothing romantic about any of this and I can't fathom why anyone would think otherwise. If I were Bella Swan, I would have hired a vampire hunter the moment I saw Edward Cullen a'sparklin' my way. Or possibly taken a stake to him myself. Jacob would have been subsequently greeted with a faceful of silver bullets.

Come on, Bella as a hunter of the denizens of the night! Humanity's last bulwark against the undead scourge! Awesome, no? No? ...alright then.

I mentioned a man who searched for the heroine since she was a child, and claimed he was born to be her lover. I speak of Daemon Sadi, "hero" of the Black Jewels books and one of the creepiest male leads I've ever read about. He gives ol' Eddie Cullen up there a run for his money in sheer stalkerific lunacy. Honestly, I have many problems with the themes and implications in the Black Jewels trilogy. Daemon is just one of them, but boy is he a big problem.

To be accurate, Daemon's search actually began a thousand years before Jaenelle, the heroine, was even born. A witch prophesized the birth of Jaenelle, savior of the world, and well...Daemiepoo is obsessed with being her lover. Note that she doesn't actually seem to have a choice in the matter. He called dibs, now she's his whether she likes it or not (and of course she looooooves it). To that end, he spends most of his free time stalking her. Hunting her. Waiting for her to appear. He tracks her to her family's home for God's sake, and immediately begins hanging around her every chance he gets. Grooming her, one might argue, to feel affection for him.

This continues in the next two books when she's a teenager and later an adult, with a time gap in which Daemon is not present. It culminates in a contrived sex scene that occurred because Daemon was moping about Jaenelle not immediately doing the do with him when he recovered from insanity. Of course, one of the other characters has to make her feel bad about this.

I'll say it again. It's the sheer lack of choice that galls me. What would Daemon do if Jaenelle had fallen for another man in the interim period when he wasn't constantly hovering over her? Kill him? It doesn't seem to be beyond him to do so, considering the number of people he either kills or thinks of killing in the series. Kill all her potential suitors until every man within a thousand miles is afraid to venture near her, and only Daemon is left to comfort poor, sweet Jaenelle? If he were painted as a villain, that would be great. It's the fact that he's supposed to be a hero and would still do so that makes it weird.

Or, what if Jaenelle just flat-out said "Daemon, I don't love you. In fact, I find you frightening." What would he do then? Kill himself? Kill her? Kill both of them so he can have her forever in death? None of these sound too farfetched for a man who views violence and killing as acceptable solutions to most problems. I somehow doubt he'd reflect on his behavior, quietly apologize and be on his way. At the very least, she'd have a relationship with another man and he would be portrayed as laughably, stereotypically one-dimensional and cruel to make Daemon look good in comparison. They must be together because destiny wills it so!

Sad that men such as Daemon Sadi and Edward Cullen are portrayed as desirable. Ideal, even. Even worse is the fact that young girls are reading these books and thinking so.

Objectification and why it sucks.

As a female geek, I'm subjected to overly-sexualized female characters wherever I go. Ridiculously big breasts, collagen lips and perpetual bedroom eyes, panty shots galore. Short skirts, scanty outfits, platekinis, you name it. It gets really tiresome after a while.

I'm really not so much of a comic book fan, but I've determined that there is some sort of rule in place that requires that women stand with their ass pointed towards the reader 95% of the time. That usually means horrible, spine-twisting positions that one wouldn't want to hold for more than a few seconds, if at all. Chiropractors must make a good living in superhero-land.

I'm much more of a gamer, but it's not really any better there. The whole selling point of Tomb Raider was Lara Croft's gigantic breasts. We've all heard the story of how one of the guys working on the game accidentally gave her those breasts and was told to keep them that way. Dead or Alive is known less for its gameplay and more for its ridiculous jiggle physics. Tifa's a strong, competent female character, but her victory pose still involves doing a stretch and sticking her chest way, way out. If Rayne so much as turns slightly to the left or right in a cutscene her breasts jiggle uncontrollably. There are so very many more examples, but I'd be writing an insanely long post if I tried to list them all.

It sometimes amazes me how armor (usually chainmail or plate) in World of Warcraft can magically change from full-body coverage on a male to a skimpy bikini on a female. The Outland gear is by far the worst, with my poor Death Knight running around wearing plate pants that looked like bright purple garters and stockings and a chestplate that resembled a bra. I'm a horrific undead abomination, once part of the Lich King's mighty army. I've cut down innocent townsfolk and seasoned warriors alike. Why the hell am I forced to prance about in lingerie? It doesn't make sense! Male or female, I still need the armor to protect me and it can't do that if it's barely covering me.


Of course, while the Wrath and Cataclysm sets are for the most part much better, some of them still make me shake my head. Much as I'm fond of my Saronite War Plate and use it for mogging purposes, I can't help but notice that males are fully covered while females have their midriff and upper arms showing. What, you just couldn't have an outfit without skin showing? Oh sure, she's a fearsome Scourge soldier, but we still have to show that she's a woman. Mmmmm, sexy necrotic skin. Never mind the fact that such a design would offer two nice vulnerable points. Skin! Sex! That's all that matters.

When it comes to some of the races, the sexual dimorphism is ridiculous. The males are huge, hulking beasts and the females are always curvaceous and pleasing to the eye. Even tauren women are perfect hourglasses. It's just the rule: men are large, powerful and imposing. Women must be sexy. Female trolls were originally going to be long-armed, ugly slouching monsters like the males, but the alpha testers whined so much that they and the tauren were not sexy enough that we got the models that are in-game today. If I'm going to be a troll, I want to be a slouchy monster and not a funny-looking elf with tusks, damn it.

It's very telling that male Blood Elves, who are normally considered the most aesthetically pleasing to women, are constantly derided and mocked as being "too feminine" by male gamers. The simple fact that they're a little smaller, less muscular, have nicer hair and don't act like chest-thumping ogres seems to upset these guys. Or, alternately, consider female orcs. Orc women are muscular. They have gruff voices. They're just as warrior as the males are. I always hear guys calling them unfavorable, derogatory terms whenever they're clogging up Trade with drivel on whichever race's women are the most "hot".

Imposing, strong woman = bad. Imposing, strong man = good. That's the basic attitude here.

People will claim that this is because most gamers are male and developers need to cater to their audience. Bull. Female gamers aren't nearly as much of a rarity as everyone likes to pretend. In fact, forty percent of the gaming population is female. Thirty-three percent of that are women over eighteen. This is significantly more than the eighteen percent that teenage boys make up. You know, the group that everyone loudly proclaims is the "majority" of gamers out there? Something to think about, huh?

The sad thing is that I know most guys won't actually think about it. They'll never go "Yeah, it is a little creepy how women are portrayed, isn't it?". No, they'll huff and puff and stomp their feet, fling insults and accuse women of being "too sensitive". I forget that we're supposed to like being treated like meat. We're supposed to like being ogled, groped, and pawed at. We're supposed to like the sleazy comments, the rape jokes, the obsessive focus on T&A. We're supposed to accept that a man's value lies in his capabilities, while a woman's is based on her appearance alone.

And if we don't like it, we're supposed to just shut up and take it, or else we're insecure prudes who "need to lighten up". Or of course, the classic "you're just a man-hater" retort.

It's somehow every woman on Earth's fault that these guys don't have a date, and in their eyes that makes it right to dehumanize all females. It never occurs to them that if they'd stop spewing misogynistic bile, or acting as if women somehow owe them sex, or dropped that damn "Nice Guy" act and treated us with some respect, then maybe they'd have somebody.

Unfortunately, as long as they continue to react with hostility to the notion that women are people, and as long as geek culture continues to propagate the idea that women = sex objects under the mistaken assumption that their audience is mostly male, this will never stop. And that's just really, really sad.