Enough already!

I can't tell you how many times I've been on WoW or a similar MMO and this question comes up in a group: "(name) r u a girl for real?"

It happens a lot. Often this is apropos of nothing more than the fact that my toon is female.

I almost always play a female character, because in most games the males just don't appeal to me. So sue me, I don't find roid-ragey lumps of muscle with pea heads and ugly faces attractive in any way. I've been known to play them in games where you can adjust the body's proportions and been derided as "gay" by power-fantasy craving alpha male wannabes, but that's another matter entirely.

The fact is that it doesn't matter if I'm male, female, or a hyperintelligent radioactive mongoose inexplicably trying to understand humanity through an online game. The only things that matter are that I know and perform my role, follow directions, and am not a complete asshole in group. If I'm here to DPS, I'm going to DPS the hell out of everything. Here to heal? So help me, nobody in this party is going to die. Tank? Well...I don't tank anymore. It's not worth it.

It seems sometimes like these guys have an absurd little checklist of "tells" that help them discern who's really in possession of a vagina in meatspace and who isn't. The way I type, for one. My grammar and spelling are too good, and I use certain words that guys usually don't. Must be a girl! The race I choose in-game ("Oh my god, a female orc! Must be a girl!). The fact that I don't tolerate rape jokes, period jokes, or sexual harassment? Girl. Girl girl girl. Must harass her for her name, location, and pictures now, even though she's made it clear that this sort of behavior annoys her.

Oddly enough, my tendency to use profanity in chat disqualifies me as female in some of these guys' minds. I guess in their world, women are always giggly and perky, and never ever curse. Hey, if it keeps them from asking me to be their online girlfriend, fine with me!

Guys who ask for "single ladies" in chat also make me laugh. It's like they think they're smooth or something. No sir, phrasing it like that doesn't mask the loneliness and desperation oozing off you at all. It makes it all the more apparent, and all the less likely a female player will go "Here! Look at me hot stuff! I'm a giiiiiiiirl!"

This is not to say all guys act like sex-starved slimeballs in groups. A lot of times nobody will say anything in party chat, let alone ask me if I'm really female. I actually prefer that to being pestered for details about my gender.

I've seen a fair number of guilds implement a "No Girls Allowed" rule, due to the "drama" we cause. It doesn't matter that the "drama" often stems from socially-awkward males who don't take no for an answer and refuse to accept that we're not there for hook-ups. It's sad that they feel that females are the problem, rather than addressing the issue of some males refusing to conduct themselves properly.

The bottom line is I'm here to play a game. I'm not here looking for dates. I don't want to be hounded for pictures, my phone number, my location, my e-mail address or anything else. Stop. It.

Now if you'll excuse me, there's a dragon that needs killing.